Over 300,000,000 Served
According to this nifty sign, the U.S. Population reached approximately 300,000,000 yesterday. It marks the fastest rate of growth in the U.S. population. In unrelated news, Mexico has announced it's lowest population since Cortez conquered the nation. Mexican officials are at a lost to explain the diminishing population since births outnumbered deaths 3 to 1. "It's like people are just getting up and leaving the country," a perplexed Mexican census official stated at a recent press conference. "But we know that is impossible. Where could they possibly go and why?"
Conflict Escalates
Sectarian violence flared over the weekend. Two rival sects clashed when one sect infiltrated into territory occupied by the other sect. Here is an exclusive clip of the violence.
We Built This City on Sadism
After months of denying the allegations, George Bush finally admitted to the torture of detainees by the CIA. I have uncovered footage of some of this torture in action. Blender magazine and Best Buy locked a hapless soul into a sealed room and forced him to listen to Starship's "We Built this City" for 24 hours straight. Oh, the humanity!! Everyone does know that Best Buy and Blender are fronts for the CIA, right?
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