Splits

Paramount is parting ways with Tom Cruise. Apparently his off-screen antics are too controversial for the studio. Excuse me while I go laugh hysterically in the corner. Too controversial? This from the studio that brought us Team America:World Police which feature puppets having graphic sex and defecating on each other (love that scene and the movie). Jumping on a couch seems rather vanilla compared to that. And criticising Brooke Shields on The Today Show for using anti-depressants? I say if you have any chance to punk Brooke Shields, especially after giving us Brenda Starr and Suddenly Susan, take it. So he loves Scientology and wants everyone to know about it. Sad? Yes. Controversial? No. It's actually more controversial to carry the Bible nowadays. Imagine if someone wrote a script treatment about these events and tried to sell it to Paramount. I believe the meeting would go something like this:

Studio: So Tom jumps up and down on a couch while professing his love? Are there snakes on the couch?...No? I think we should put snakes on the couch...and Brooke Shields. How about this? Tom is jumping up and down on Brooke Shields on a couch with snakes, screaming "I love you Katie Holmes!!" Then he defecates on Brooke Shields. Check that, I just had an epiphany. Let's substitute Jesus Christ for Tom Cruise. So Jesus is jumping up and down on Brooke Shields on a couch with snakes, screaming "I love you Katie Holmes!!" Then he defecates on Brooke Shields...fade to black... and scene.